Still consumed by GS thoughts.

I have been information gathering about the initial process of gestational surrogacy in NZ.  You begin with a medical examination to check you are able and suitable, to carry a child, then some long bouts of counseling for all invested parties then you head over to the ethics committee and sit patiently till they make a decision whether you can give your IP's a baby.  The IP's have lots of hoops to jump through - they need more approval than a surrogate!  They must be Child, Youth and Family approved, as here in NZ the woman who gives birth is recognized as the legal mother to the child, even though in a gestational surrogacy she in not genetically related to the child.  So the IP's have to get this CYF's approval to be able to adopt their child 12 days after birth.

The last couple of days have been a blur - general everyday stuff mixed with some very (long) focused emails about gestational surrogacy between myself and a couple I am getting to know.  Whilst we are talking about surrogacy in a very platonic way there are definitely invested emotions.  I guess for me I see the journey as being done pretty much for the benefit of the IP's (I mean they reap the rewards at the end) and I hadn't given much thought too the idea that a surrogate could need the journey just as much.  Take some of the latter, throw in those invested emotions and you can get an awkward situation which leaves a guilt trail as big as NZ debts.  Toes were not meant to be tread on, and for that I am sorry!  I was completely oblivious to it all and as the 3rd party putting my foot in it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Just talking to this couple is eye opening.  I have never spoken to any IP's before so even if nothing arises, because we all should know that talking does not constitute an arrangement, I will have a major store of personal information and experience on the matter to take from when the time arises.  Although I must share I have envisioned being able to tell this couple "Let's do it, let's make a baby the GS way", even though I know it is far too soon to make that call.  One day lovelies, one day, hopefully soon yeah.

Educating myself on the matter.

I have spent days (and nights!) reading through the nz-surrgacy website and I find every bit of it so valuable and incredibly insightful. Things I had never considered, things I didn't know and things I couldn't imagine.  It doesn't sway my decision though, in my mind I am clear on the fact that one day I will be a gestational surrogate for someone - someone who needs me to help them bring their dream to life.

Some of the journey's that Intending Parents have made in their quests to become parents is beyond intense.  The copious amounts of drugs involved in IVF that either an Egg Donor or a Mother are required to consume is mindblowing!  I mean, I'd heard it was a lengthy process requiring so much emotional, physical and mental preparation, but I never fully understood just how much.  Reading a journal on a couples IVF treatment and following their entries after the fact has taught me more than any wikipedia page could.  I actually felt ashamed that getting pregnant was so easy for me!  I want to be able to do something more than just comment on a blog and say 'goodluck in achieving what you have set out to do' I want to help, to be a part of that process.

To be a means to an end that is a beginning - I look forward to the day I can tick it off my bucket list.  

A blank canvas coming to life.

I have for years wanted to embark on the journey of surrogacy and the time seems right for me now.  I have no idea how the journey ahead of me will play out, but I can hope and believe, it will be one with an incredible ending.  I have decided that when the time comes, I will need a space and place to write down and document the process - both for myself and for others.  I hope to enlighten those who are thinking of taking this same path and to share with all what I find out along the way.  Stay tuned everybody - I'm on the hunt for some Intending Parents to get to know!  I have sat and scoured the nz-surrogacy website and am armed with an array of questions.  I'm dreaming big for the future so that someone's future may have a big dream come true.

xoxo.